Why ‘safe and seen’?

Being safe and feeling seen or understood are two fundamental human needs, yet many people find themselves in environments where they have to choose between being themselves, and being safe. Many have not had the opportunity to discover who they are and what they value.

Perhaps love was conditional on meeting others' expectations, on fitting in. Perhaps caregivers were not available in the way you needed. Perhaps you were punished for expressing yourself, and you learnt to disconnect from your spontaneous ways of being. This makes it so we struggle to trust, and to allow even safe others to get close to us. It's very isolating, and it can make the world feel even more overwhelming.

I believe it's possible to reconnect with who we are and how we feel, to better discern who is safe and who is not, and to practice ways of relating which allow us to connect with others in safer, more fulfilling ways. My hope is for a society in which more of us can feel both safe and seen.

Is therapy right for me?

Engaging in therapy is a personal choice, which can simply be driven by a desire for support with an issue that is causing you distress. It may not be right if you feel pressured to go by someone else, though it may be useful to look at this dynamic in therapy. Often you will be invited to reflect on yourself, to stay with uncomfortable feelings, or to view things from a different perspective. If you have not been well supported to do this in the past, this may feel challenging, but that is okay, and it is part of the work.

You may feel apprehensive about therapy if you have already had a disappointing experience with a helping professional or service. There is a wide range of practitioners available, and finding the right one for you can make a huge difference to your experience.

There is still some stigma in our society about mental health and accessing emotional support. Feelings of shame can make it harder, but therapy is a great place to address these.

Therapy is a financial, practical, and emotional investment – it is worth factoring this into your decision.

How do I choose a therapist?

It can feel confusing and daunting to try to select a therapist from a directory, or to decide whether to work with a therapist you have been referred to. Here are some points to consider:

Currently, therapists in the UK are not regulated by the government (I expect this will change). The titles ‘counsellor’ and ‘psychotherapist’ are not legally protected, meaning anyone can use them. To ensure a therapist is appropriately qualified and works to an ethical framework, they should be registered with a governing body whose register is accredited by the Professional Standards Authority, such as BACP, UKCP, and NCPS. Registration with a governing body also provides a formal channel through which the client can make a complaint and receive impartial support with this.

Once you know a therapist is qualified and registered, it can be helpful to find out about their therapeutic approach, and see if it resonates with you. For instance, you may prefer to work with a therapist who uses mindfulness techniques, or someone who works with dreams, or someone interested in existential philosophy. You may prefer a therapist from the same background as you, or someone who shares particular values. You may want someone who specialises in neurodiversity, or has experience with a particular demographic. Don’t be afraid to shop around and ask questions.

If you feel a therapist may be a good fit for you, the real test is how you feel when you meet them. Do you find them approachable? Do you feel heard, understood, respected? Do their comments feel kind and supportive? Do they make sense? Most therapists offer an initial ‘assessment’ period where both parties can decide if they want to proceed; you should not be pressured to commit.

What happens in the first session?

The first session with me is an opportunity for us to meet and start building a sense of how we might work together. You will have an opportunity to ask any questions you may have, and to tell me a bit about what you’d like support with. There is no need to prepare for this, though it may be helpful to have a think about what is going well and less well in your life. I will ask you some questions to help me understand your issue, and to ensure it is within my competence. We will do a brief risk-assessment to ensure any risks are managed appropriately. I will ask if there is anything you want me to know about your intersectional identities and your life history. I will ask about experiences of previous therapy. If we are meeting in person, I will also show you the facilities and fire exits.

If we decide to continue working together, I will send you a contract, explaining the relevant details and boundaries of our work.

How often will we meet?

We will meet at the same time on a weekly basis. I do not offer fortnightly sessions as this is not practically feasible. All sessions are 50 minutes long. You are welcome to request additional ad hoc sessions, and I will try to offer this if possible. I do not normally offer more than 2 sessions per week.

How long will I be in therapy for?

It’s understandable to wonder about timing, especially if you are struggling and/or are new to therapy. Everyone’s journey is unique, and there are many factors to consider, including the complexity of your issue(s), your history, access to other avenues of support, your lifestyle, and your financial situation. Short-term therapy, i.e. 6 weeks to 6 months can be beneficial for addressing one or two acute concerns such as a bereavement or single traumatic event. If you would like to look at long-standing issues, and explore the deeper roots of your experience, longer-term work may be more appropriate. Having patience with yourself and your process can make it easier to allow the shifts you seek.

The duration and focus of our work will be discussed at the start, and reviewed around every 6 weeks, or as required by your emerging needs.

Can I bring my partner(s) or family member(s)?

I currently see individuals only. If we are working together, I am not able to take on someone you know as a client, as this can create conflicts of interest, and could constitute an ethical issue.

What can support me on my therapy journey?

Therapy can be both deeply rewarding and challenging at times, as it often involves working though painful or unprocessed material. It can be helpful to take a quiet moment before and after each session to feel into what you need. If you already have self-care practices that work for you, lean into those. Quality sleep, a supportive diet, and regular gentle exercise go a long way. Engaging in activities that feel meaningful, connecting, and life-affirming can be a great resource. Some people find journaling to be a useful way of processing feelings between sessions. If you are feeling daunted, I encourage you to take this to therapy, and to bring some gentleness and curiosity on board.

Cactus plant and ornament.
Cactus plant and ornament.